My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
