the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
