Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
