Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
