Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
