hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
