You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
