Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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