So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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