I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
