Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
