someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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