btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
