my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
