If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
