that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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