Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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