Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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