hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
