So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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