he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
