did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
