Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
