Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize