I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
