It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
