the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
