So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
