Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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