he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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