I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
