I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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