so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
