anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
