this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We are two peas in an std pod
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
