I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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