I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
