I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
