one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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