Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That accounts for only three of the penises
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
