There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
