i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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