the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
