Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
