It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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