I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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