My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
