Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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