new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude i'm inner monologue high
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
