i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
