Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
kristin has been a bad kristin
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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