You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
