i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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