Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just found a bag of teeth...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
