They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
