White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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