Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
