Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
