the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize