He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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