The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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