just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
