The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
