He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
