When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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