I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So vagazzling was a success
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
