my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
